Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
