a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
