chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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