So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You can't motorboat a personality
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
