I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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