Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
