so explain again why im purple
no
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize