plz talk dirty to me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
