you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my being single is dangerous.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
