Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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