There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
