highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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