I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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