I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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