she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
