i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
