dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
