Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
And then he peed in my hair
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