the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
