Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
