talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Two words: nipple clamps
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