so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
