My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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