last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
