mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
