You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
