I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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