I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just found a bag of teeth...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
