i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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