Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up under a house in Key West
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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