We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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