Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
