i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
