I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
