too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
