just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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