I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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