I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
be right there i have to get my cape
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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