I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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