hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
