in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
