I just pynch a tree in the face
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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