Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize