I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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