did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
