i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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