So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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