Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
