i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
