what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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