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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
