We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
