from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
