this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
