Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
