I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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