Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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