I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
