i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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