just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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