So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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