You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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