apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
