If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
