Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
well you can't waste a boner
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
