so explain again why im purple
no
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Houston, we have a blender
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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