I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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