I'm lost and stupid without you.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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