Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
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