I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
