I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
