Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
