So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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