i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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