Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
