i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
