i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
