i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
