First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
