I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
