I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
