also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The best revenge is premature balding
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
