Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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