Soap is not a condiment
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize