I need to stop coming to work sober
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
