I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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