I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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