At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
