It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
