So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
