how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
