I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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