I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
