this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i've created a new STD.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
