In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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