so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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