You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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