She is in my trunk
i think i have herpe
just one?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
