he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
