I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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