All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
