all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
