you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
