I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
