My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
