YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
