I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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