2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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