Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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