the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
40s are totally the cure
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
