So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
