So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
