OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
