i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
