Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
