I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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