how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
