I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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