Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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