You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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