to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
