im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
